By the time you read this, I’m checking myself into the homeless circuit.
2018 has been excruciatingly painful. And just 4-days after I launched Change Your Mood Oracle and on the same day as a Mercury Retrograde no less, I got informed that I no longer can live where I’ve been staying.
And 2019 will be 10 years since graduating high school, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing.
And many applications later, I get told “best of luck, Bernard, but we’re going forward with another candidate.” And wouldn’t you believe it, ADP just called me to vocally tell me that they’re picking another person over me and I should apply again. *Takes another sip of Angry Orchard.* I don’t need to know who rejects me. It’s like Tinder. If someone swipes left you never know and I like it that way.
But of course, people in privilege say homelessness and poverty is a choice a person makes. Hell, even the spiritual community scoffs off that every adversity, pain, and suffering serves a purpose because you choose your challenges before birth. Really? You don’t choose to be poor. You don’t work hard to stay small. You are forced into it by your family, school, town, and government.
The mere concept of money is made up. Symbolically representing value. If we valued human lives like so many corporations market in board meetings, we would be in a very different space. We all would be living on Compassion Drive. I see people beyond their titles and don’t stick around for fake ass platitudes. See current White House administration for examples.
Guess what. I read this on a homeless shelter website, hit my heart hard. Let’s call him for privacy – Tim. Tim traveled out-of-state for a job and later found out the
I feel the same level of fear, anger, and confusion as Tim. It repulses me deeply to have to even share this with you. I don’t want to. I never wanted to be homeless because when I was younger my mother and her then boyfriend who was a cop thought it was a good idea to take me out at night to teach me a lesson. They believed I was ungrateful. Ungrateful because I refused to suck the cock of corruption. Instead of teaching me gratitude through acts of service and love, these abusive individuals took me on a homeless person witch hunt.
We road the back alleys looking for homeless people. Walked into abandoned buildings, avoiding rusty needles and trash. I remember the cop telling me that I needed to be more grateful or one night I’ll be kidnapped and dropped off in the middle of nowhere and have to find my way home again. This act of violence was applauded among the adults.
Who am I to fight this abuse? I just internalized the demons and now look where I’m headed.
Right into the lion’s den that I was running away from all these years.
I applied to jobs. Nothing.
I had food stamps but that got cut from $193 to $43 because the privileged rich people making over a certain amount complained about Obama-care and having to pay way more money than they want. So I let that go.
I didn’t attempt unemployment because I don’t believe in getting half of what you were making which would be $6 an hour times 25 serves absolutely no purpose. Besides more paperwork to prove you’re still jobless. Even then people still get around the system. Just because you’re unemployed doesn’t mean the debt and bills reduce so I don’t understand the fucking logic other than – privilege trumps poverty.
And I asked before moving if my stay would be burdensome. And still, I get fucked not once, but twice.
I’m homeless and hopeless.
But again, this is my fault and my choice.
Fuck off with your privilege and learn a thing or two about compassion.