Friday morning I got up and went straight to my abundance altar that I have set up for business prosperity.
The sacred space use to sit behind me as I worked online but I moved it in the relationship and romance section of my room according to my feng shui map. Probably not the best move on my part but the space is larger and I enjoyed setting up my rainbow altar there.
Well, I marked the money I received the night previous on my karma chart as tracking any monetary value you find or receive in any form comes to be a rewarding experience. After I finished marking in green ink the $20, things took a turn for the worse. My sweater sleeve caught the black angel’s arm placing a star atop my prosperous bliss and suddenly my world slowed as I watched her fall to the floor.
No part of her broke like my dragon statue two months ago.
Just her hand with the star, a symbol of how hard I reach in this life for my dreams and everything I long to be.
I was saddened like I was about my dragon but I knew instinctively this means something. I could not place my finger on it exactly, but stars often mean wishing. Why would anyone including myself just wish for the money to come in?
Money has been an extreme focus of mine as of late because I have bills to pay and been conjuring these wild fantasies to move away and start living a meaningful independent life. Rely not on others to fork over covering my meals or supporting a roof over my head.
There her hand rest in my hand and all motivation to fix it left my body.
She and the energy associated with her will never be the same.
I told a few other people about this experience and they all said it was my fault because my sleeve caught her and knocked her off balance. And you know I wasn’t quite certain what this occasion really meant on a deeper more spiritual level. My energy fucked up her energy and boom a broken mess was created so it must mean something.
After having her face the wall of books in her old spot, I went on about my life.
Panic strikes back
Today, I went out to get dog food only to discover that my wallet is now missing. I looked in the car, room and all pockets I could think of. I even rummaged through the recently bagged trash to find it nowhere. Something sincerely wild is happening, I thought. How vulnerable you are when you get to a checkout line filled with anxious people only to discover that you have no money to pay for the goods you need. I stormed out there scared that my identity and value will be lost forever.
First my angel and now my wallet – this has to be some cruel joke.
My day started off by watching the above video before the stressful and embarrassing outing. I cried empathetically while reliving her tale of losing her legs. But through the hard work, dedication and creativity she overcame her sense of broken mobility. She made herself agile and equipped her life to endure her new body.
I’ve always struggled and feared to fly on my own.
Too afraid to really face a greater evil in this world – my self.
Proving that I am the author of my own life’s work is exactly what I’ve come to learn in experiencing stories like Amy Purdy’s. We all have fear invested baggage and it’s a matter of whether we choose to carry it with us in our new life or not. I now have new plastic cards coming in the mail and a new figurine to set an example of my new life I wish to co-create for myself.
I conquer my fears
The frightening realization that your identity and value on the physical plane disappears without a trace is scary. Stress hormones activate and rage charges your soul to lash out at anyone and anything that punctures your safety. I need to forgive myself and let go, allowing magic to transform my life for the highest good.
In hours it took writing this to you, I was cleaning up my room to overcome writer’s block and chatted with a friend on Facebook about an opportunity to move to New York. The quest to reclaim my vivacious spirit hurdled forth and moving became very possible.
There are no strings keeping me here besides the illusionary ones that I’ve created myself.
Just like the Hanging Man in tarot, my hands are free to pull myself out of being upside down in a right side up world.
On a very practical level though it will take cash to secure deposits, rent and food.
So please take some time to check out my IndieGoGo campaign to move to The Big Apple.
Until next time love, light and color