The one question you must ask yourself when it downpours pain, heartbreak and loss

rescue card Colete baron reid photoI’ve probably consulted my own cards about my personal life more than 40 times in the past two weeks.

All signs pointing the way to follow my intuition – my heart.

With great change comes responsibility to survive, be secure and provide safety for myself.

I don’t know how you’ve dealt with the trials of life up until this point but you are reading this and lived through the thick of it. Bravo!

Repeatedly, I look to others as source of inspiration. If they can do it, than I can do it.

It’s not that hard.

Well, comparing myself to them probably isn’t the cleanest way to handle pain, breakups or loss of any kind. Each person brings a unique flavor to the mix even though the dish might be the same. So, I sat down and asked myself one question with some help of The Round Table.

What am I learning right now?

It’s simple and I totally came to the same conclusion when I walked 10 miles in the rain earlier this week.

Our struggles are worthless and mediocre until we learn something from them.

Instead of an elaborate card spread or meditating for hours to try and find answers, I kept my inquiry short and sweet. Even the most mind thrashing of decisions can be easily hand-picked by re-framing the question away from pinning each fork in the road up against each other like a pros and cons list.

Every condition in the choice you make will have an affect on you and not choosing a path or choosing not to expect anything is still a decision you are consciously creating for yourself.


What are you learning right now?

For me, I must get out of my head (which tends to be my worst enemy in moments like this) so I consulted Colette Baron-Reid’s Enchanted Map oracle cards. The one card that I drew up for my in-the-moment reading was Rescue.

Immediately self-rescue came to mind.

But I had to affirm my intuition just a bit more and so I found this song in seconds of searching my soul-keyword: rescue.

This is exactly where I’m at, what I’m learning and how I’m feeling.

It’s going to be ok!

Until next time love, light and color 


P.S. I would love to read your color.

A hometown pilgrimage shines light on my personal growth

wilkes barre pennsylvania photo

I walked 10 miles yesterday.

Legs sore.
Feet screaming.
Ears chilled by the Autumn rain.

This is my life. 

I cursed the situation up one side and down the other.
I forced myself to think positive.
I pushed myself every step of the way and the Universe rewarded me with insights, coins and the fierce satisfaction of perseverance.

How you feel after that ass kicking workout. Or how you feel after giving that final push in the delivery room.

Plain and simple, we all have struggles.Every being on this planet struggle but this soulful trek through the damp terrain gave me time to reflect on how far I’ve come and that my struggles have no value if I don’t learn from them. We all have the necessary amount of baggage our souls endure in order to expand our evolution.

collecting change on the side of the road  photo
No matter what the situation is – we only handle what we are destined to handle.

I’ve been seething for a week now about moving to New York. It’s a struggle because I don’t believe my energy is worthy. What I bring to the table, is it going to be good enough?

Well, I have some news. During this 5-hour quest of stepping outside of my comfort zone, I realized that I am reinventing myself by making this move. It’s not for my family, it’s not for the neighbors, it’s not for anyone else but me. Energetically detaching myself from my hometown so I can take care, nourish and love me is my personal calling.This is the ending and the beginning of a continuing course called destiny. After walking for hours and just making it 5 minutes from the house, a car honks at me and pulls to the side of the road. The guy asked if I wanted a ride. I declined.

The Universe provided me with a random stranger to momentarily relieve me of my struggle. I’ve thwarted self-nourishment and self-indulgence for so long because we are constantly told it’s selfish. But I was so close to where I needed to be that I rather have another struggle in my life relieved.

I will continue to persevere in order to savor, appreciate, love and feel the burn of the journey. Because I will survive with or without you by my side.

Until next time love, light and color 


P.S. I would love to read your color.

P.P.S. I collected 22 cents along the way.

My abundance angel breaks + wallet goes MIA + I want to move to NYC because of it

black abundance angel breaks

Friday morning I got up and went straight to my abundance altar that I have set up for business prosperity.

The sacred space use to sit behind me as I worked online but I moved it in the relationship and romance section of my room according to my feng shui map. Probably not the best move on my part but the space is larger and I enjoyed setting up my rainbow altar there.

Well, I marked the money I received the night previous on my karma chart as tracking any monetary value you find or receive in any form comes to be a rewarding experience. After I finished marking in green ink the $20, things took a turn for the worse. My sweater sleeve caught the black angel’s arm placing a star atop my prosperous bliss and suddenly my world slowed as I watched her fall to the floor.

No part of her broke like my dragon statue two months ago.

Just her hand with the star, a symbol of how hard I reach in this life for my dreams and everything I long to be.

I was saddened like I was about my dragon but I knew instinctively this means something. I could not place my finger on it exactly, but stars often mean wishing. Why would anyone including myself just wish for the money to come in?

Money has been an extreme focus of mine as of late because I have bills to pay and been conjuring these wild fantasies to move away and start living a meaningful independent life. Rely not on others to fork over covering my meals or supporting a roof over my head.

There her hand rest in my hand and all motivation to fix it left my body.

She and the energy associated with her will never be the same.

I told a few other people about this experience and they all said it was my fault because my sleeve caught her and knocked her off balance. And you know I wasn’t quite certain what this occasion really meant on a deeper more spiritual level. My energy fucked up her energy and boom a broken mess was created so it must mean something.

After having her face the wall of books in her old spot, I went on about my life.

Panic strikes back

Today, I went out to get dog food only to discover that my wallet is now missing. I looked in the car, room and all pockets I could think of. I even rummaged through the recently bagged trash to find it nowhere. Something sincerely wild is happening, I thought. How vulnerable you are when you get to a checkout line filled with anxious people only to discover that you have no money to pay for the goods you need. I stormed out there scared that my identity and value will be lost forever.

First my angel and now my wallet – this has to be some cruel joke.


My day started off by watching the above video before the stressful and embarrassing outing. I cried empathetically while reliving her tale of losing her legs. But through the hard work, dedication and creativity she overcame her sense of broken mobility.  She made herself agile and equipped her life to endure her new body.

I’ve always struggled and feared to fly on my own.

Too afraid to really face a greater evil in this world – my self.

Proving that I am the author of my own life’s work is exactly what I’ve come to learn in experiencing stories like Amy Purdy’s. We all have fear invested baggage and it’s a matter of whether we choose to carry it with us in our new life or not. I now have new plastic cards coming in the mail and a new figurine to set an example of my new life I wish to co-create for myself.

I conquer my fears

The frightening realization that your identity and value on the physical plane disappears without a trace is scary. Stress hormones activate and rage charges your soul to lash out at anyone and anything that punctures your safety. I need to forgive myself and let go, allowing magic to transform my life for the highest good.

In hours it took writing this to you, I was cleaning up my room to overcome writer’s block and chatted with a friend on Facebook about an opportunity to move to New York.  The quest to reclaim my vivacious spirit hurdled forth and moving became very possible.

There are no strings keeping me here besides the illusionary ones that I’ve created myself.

Just like the Hanging Man in tarot, my hands are free to pull myself out of being upside down in a right side up world.

On a very practical level though it will take cash to secure deposits, rent and food.

So please take some time to check out my IndieGoGo campaign to move to The Big Apple.

Until next time love, light and color