My color altar: purple + the seeing clearly bit when others project

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I truly don’t have a lot of purple and if you are in a metaphysical practice or obsessed with divination of any kind, I really don’t think you need to parade the lands with this color anyway.

What are you trying to prove?

This altar took more time to build because I had to go snooping in my limited purple loving stuff to find anything majestic. I still am on the hunt for great royal pieces of sugilite and chariote that welcomes my soul like an old friend.

If there was a flying purple people eater then the past week would have gladly adopted such a creature for I was entangled by so much fear and anguish.

Endless crying and emotions were by-products of my intuition’s messages.

I’ve been quietly angry and decided to not seethe in the shadows.

Worked with my ancestors a bit and just stopped caring.

People project countless ideas and expectations on others.

This past week I was told I had too little responsibility and instantly this repetitive ammunition confirmed I had to lock down and not communicate once again. I knew I was expected to give some commonplace reason and prove that I did want to see him but was far more ashamed by the reasons why I could not see him. I can’t see anyone these days including my mother because my paternal family does not pay on the vehicle I use to go out and feel responsible…independent. I also have tossed around the idea of paying for the car myself which would have avoided any and all bits of pain I experienced this week, but I was told “NO, that car is a piece of junk.”

So as you can see I’ve been up this creek of mercury retrograde without a paddle.

Not communicating is another projection held to my head at gunpoint because I don’t talk enough or get down and intimate so easily. So freely.

My whole life I never talked.

Ask my mother and father.

I simply sit and observe and be still. The epitome of monkhood but all this mindfulness and empathy clearly isn’t responsible or communicational.

When I went to Milton Hershey School, my quietude was something revered by my houseparents and teachers. I was seen as a rare impoverished fellow especially in these times of hardcore drugs, sex and violence that often wipes poor souls away.

No, I was never a rowdy extroverted queen flaunting gayness around as if the world owed me their attention in college.

I had developed a well-equipped defense mechanism to keep people away from me. This energetic Fort Knox still operates under my domain and this week I had to go within and be alone.

It may have been the change in season that prompted me to be a recluse but I loathe when people constantly project images on me because they don’t know me and don’t know how much responsibility I do have.

Generally, because I don’t brag or whine about hiccups and heartaches.

Every day I choose to be responsible by owning my life by not choosing suicide, caring for my brother by paying for his hospital bills, forking over money to cover my own debt I incurred because I was given a life changing opportunity to visit Scotland two years ago, or what about buying food to keep a bare minimum in this house?

The laundry list continues because I recycle, buy dog food, try and instill color in people’s lives for the betterment of society and somehow manage to keep an exhausting full time job as positive and perky as customer service can be.

So forgive me if I don’t message you daily, speak out of turn and flaunt my gayness around like it matters, I am just me.

Quiet and suffice to say my responsibility does not easily get noticed because I don’t talk about it.

I just do it.

Nothing to prove and nothing to say.

The next time you stumble across the color purple, think about how energy is projected toward you and do you easily soak it up and shapeshift into a manmade being or do you resist and keep true to your raw form?

Thinning of the veil means we can connect to our ancestors, how

hands of the ancestors

Our ancestors were survivalists.

Workers.

Keepers.

And seekers.

They set foot adventuring this world we call life in order to provide safety, nurturing love and provisions to keep the next generation fueled.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to connect with our ancestors especially since this time of the year honors such a familiar energy.

Kinship has not always been an easy connection for me though.

I struggle daily to show gratitude for a family I’ve come to dishonor and disrespect.

My love is generous to those that meet my expectations and how ghastly daring it is to put my ego on such a pedestal. I just didn’t understand why I felt so disturbed by the state of my family. My parents married young, had me shortly after and divorced ten years later. I don’t think I hold grudges toward this natural and acceptable case of falling out, but I do want answers to what I have to learn from such a family.

And the insight I received was by dealing with the dead.

Energy is ever-present and even though I never met my whole family from the dawn of humanity itself, I do feel a calling to connect with any of them to try and piece together what my purpose and family goals should be at least in this life time.

We all are connected even to the dead.

An exchange of energy merely happens when two people have sex and of course in the straight lingo of our species; babies are the gift of such a passionate and romantic tango. In some cases the conception is not all just and fair as my ideal self would like to believe and of course this imbalance seethes for generations and I believe we have our family spats and mishaps because bad energy avalanched for so many years creating a bigger mess of ignorance and intolerance.

Since I  value color as a sacred tool for understanding this world, I hit to my intuition and let the colors connect me to my ancestors to unveil the inherited truths of both my maternal and paternal bloodlines.

I won’t get into super specifics about the astonishing hit the nail on the head moments but I did connect to a dominating female presence that is both beautiful and meticulous. Well-equipped in controlling her emotions…crying in front of others is not in her manner. I inherited her charisma and love for people. A home-bound activist struggling to lift her family out of poverty which is the repeating lesson in my family tree. The colors that stepped through for me to really connect with my ancient bloodline were centered in the navel, root and heart chakras. Three main energy centers that I focus on maintaining daily because I definitely feel like they need extra greasing.

All we can do now is learn from our family’s past in order to improve the future.

Uprooting this information has helped me tune into my spiritual DNA and if you would like to check the color reading out – click here to connect with your ancestors in color.

I just read for myself and these lessons and synchronicities that came through in the reading are affirming lots of my struggles right now with home. I hope that Ms. Shea (that’s the color that came forth) is more beauty and less beastly so I can expand as she wanted to so many years ago.

Demons are everywhere in this game of life

I just started singing this out of the blue.

Now we know that one’s intuition doesn’t just throw messages willy nilly.

I’ve been in a dark and dismal refuge since Sunday. The light and love that once marked my path has been replaced by anger, destruction and sadness. This is what the thinning of the veil does because those creepy crawlies just get the best of you.

And now I am listening to this.

Is there anything you can do to protect yourself from the demons that surround you?

Yes, you can yell and curse up a storm. Or you can dismiss all worldly concerns and go within and try and soothe your frightened spirit.

A magical encounter happened moons ago and this wheel is making a complete turn to mark a year.

Just feels a bit tattered and weathered.

Quite unusual and it’s totally verbally abusive.

His poignant remarks taunt me for not communicating and being intimate enough.

Demons coax our minds and let us play with hearts not our own until we bleed no more.

I can never forgive someone that consistently holds on to my refusal to speak human language when clearly I operate on a different level.

If you claim to be empathic then feel more and do less.

Valuing people for who they are in a soul way is what I innately do, but human forms really piss me the fuck off.

I don’t know.

So much of this spinning wheel is a gambled effort to win earthly rewards.

Demons and all are part of the gameplay.

So when it comes to relating to others they too have their own demons to deal with – play nice.

Color cocooning my energy

I’m working with pink, white and aquamarine colors to calm + balance these grisly feelings that the darkened Autumn season beholds. It’s not easy combating seasonal depression but I have to express what is happening for my own sake.